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  Wednesday, November 20, 2019
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All the news may be about Barack Obama and John McCain,
All the news may be about Barack Obama and John McCain, but there are 255 other candidates running to be president of the United States in Tuesday's election.

If voters cannot find the perfect candidate, they will probably never be satisfied.

The official Federal Election Commission list includes representatives of the usual minor parties, such as the Socialist Party, the Libertarian Party, the Green Party and the Reform Party, but it doesn't stop there.

On the ballot in Colorado is the United States Pacifist Party candidate, Bradford Lyttle, running on a platform to withdraw all troops from Iraq, reduce defense spending to zero and prepare for nonviolent resistance against a possible invasion.

Another candidate worried about an invasion is John Taylor Bowles of the National Socialist Movement. He promises free healthcare, no unemployment, and the "humanitarian relocation of all non-whites." Campaign literature shows him sitting in a Storm Trooper outfit with a Nazi swastika on his arm.

If that's not to voters' tastes, perhaps they will go for self-proclaimed vampire Jonathon Sharkey, the founder of the Vampires, Witches and Pagans Party. He was arrested on September 28 in Tennessee and is under investigation for making threats against the president, but is still on the ballot in some states.

And for those who can get through election season - which by some counts has been going for almost two years - without a stiff drink, there's the perfect candidate: Gene Amondson of the Prohibition Party. With the country flirting with financial ruin, he is running on a platform that would outlaw alcohol.


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