The happiness of beautiful weddings turns to routine family life very quickly

Sunday, July 3, 2022

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The two people, who decide to prove their feelings to each other with a marriage, may often break up and lead their lives independently. What can they expect in the future? Psychologist Boris Gorodkov believes that such post-family life may end either with another marriage, which will be much more successful and steady, or with solitary life. Everything depends on what people want to accomplish and which lessons they learn from their previous family experience. A marriage can be described as a contrast between two people. The success and the duration of a marriage depends on a lot of factors: at which age people decide to have an official family, what kind of people conclude a marriage, etc. If two 20-year-old people conclude a marriage, their future will be determined with their relatives and societies, in which they were growing. Young people cannot adjust themselves to independent adult lives: they only can reproduce their parents' lives. Russian well-known psychologist Igor Kon came to rather curious conclusions in his research. A 20-year-old man depends on a woman. On the other hand, young women of the same age already try to exercise their rights: women think that they can judge, choose and estimate men. Young men are usually infantile: they always want to hear good words and appraisals from their parents and girlfriends. This desire lasts for about ten years. It will therefore be very easy for a young wife to manipulate and guide her young husband. However, the situation changes for the opposite, when a man reaches the mysterious age of 33 years. When a man gains life experience, he realizes that he does not need his wife's appraisal; a man becomes tired of his wife's dominating position in the house. As a rule, a man realizes his own importance in the family in his thirties. On the other hand, a woman is already used to being the first in everything: she definitely starts acting adequately in an attempt to preserve her family leadership. It is easy to imagine, what happens in a once friendly and happy family afterwards. The vast majority of divorces is registered with 30 or 40-year-old people. A way out of the crisis is obvious: the people need to change their roles. A change of priorities implies that a woman is supposed to give up her ambitious views and hand over a part of her rights to her mature husband. A family will be saved from collapse in this case. It goes without saying that a lot of families break up because of unfaithfulness. There are certain peculiarities at this point too, which are common for all humans in general. According to laws of nature, a man has no right to say no to a woman. If a woman chooses a man, his "animal" physical part has no right to refuse. This is the origin of inequality: a man is moved with an animal instinct of reproduction. The situation with women is different: women are not supposed to answer men's sex appeals. Women always have a right to choose their men seeking best genes for posterity. Any woman can easily turn any man down, whereas an opposite situation is hardly ever possible. A man is supposed to take too many efforts to repulse a potential lover, especially if it goes about young men. Psychologist Boris Gorodkov does not think that spouses should try and preserve their collapsing marriage at all costs. "If two people try to do it for the sake of their children then I feel sorry for those children. If people do it for the sake of their future perspectives, then I feel sorry for their future. A divorce may often be estimated as a step for the better, for it may become impetus for a person's future development. Women often provoke their husband's aggressiveness, albeit unconsciously. The image of a man is traditionally pictured as something big, strong and mighty. When a woman provokes a fight, she subconsciously wants to see that her husband is a strong man who can protect his family. A woman is happy when she is certain that her husband is the strongest and the most reliable man of all. The experience of the first marriage has a very big influence on the quality of another marriage, which may follow after divorce. If a woman (or a man) chooses their next partner on the base of qualities and traits, which they were used to in their previous experience, this variant can be categorized as the worst. Such a marriage will not last long

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